“Rest in God alone, O my soul, for my hope comes from Him. Psalm 62:5

Expectations come in all shapes and sizes. A young girl dreams of a Cinderella wedding, a young wife thinks her husband should be able to “read her mind” and a new mom figures that life will not change too much with the arrival of a baby.

Some expectations are self-imposed. Perfectionism was something I struggled with as a teen and into my young adult years. By the time I got married at 22 years old, I had mapped out every 15 minutes of my life on paper. Keeping up this rigid schedule was no longer possible once I gave birth to my firstborn. This was the beginning of letting go of a series of expectations.

I attempted to keep up the same pace as BK (before kids) and did not listen to the still, small voice telling me that it was time to step down from two leadership roles and other volunteer positions. When our third child was about 18 months old, chronic fatigue stopped me in my tracks and I had to start saying NO to outside responsibilities and focus on regaining my own health as well as caring for our family. God taught me that my family is my ministry and that our home was to be a place to welcome people into our lives.

During my fourth pregnancy, I was finally ready ( or should I say forced by circumstances) to ask for some help. Juggling all of the mounting household and family responsibilities was starting to suffocate me. God had to humble me enough to let go of the idea that my house must be in perfect order before anyone could enter. Since we had decided that homeschooling was the right path for us to take, we joined a local support group. It was through this group that we found our first mother’s helper. She came for a few hours once a week which gave me some much needed breathing room. She quickly became part of our family and grew into the role of a very reliable babysitter.

I remember people telling me that I needed to lower my expectations. I wondered how much lower I could go?! As it was, I felt I was only accomplishing the bare minimum. What I eventually came to understand is that it is more important to BE than to DO. For example, BE content, BE loving, BE peaceful. Prioritizing relationships over having a perfectly organized home was freeing. We would jokingly say to visiting friends, “Enter at your own risk.” It has been a process of letting go of expectations over the years and learning to embrace the reality in front of me, while still allowing myself to pursue goals and dreams.

Some expectations come from other people. A spouse wants dinner on the table as soon as he comes home from work, a child screams for you to buy her candy at the grocery store and a friend insists that you should be able to juggle a full-time career and raising a family.

We all have expectations. Some of them can cripple us if we are determined that people, things or circumstances must be a certain way. We can get very disappointed or disillusioned. If we try to jump through the hoops that others set up for us, we will likely get burned out. My wise father-in-law used to say: “Expect nothing and you won’t get disappointed.” This may sound like you are aiming at nothing, but I don’t think that is what he meant. I think he was trying to say what my favorite author expressed: “In acceptance lieth peace.” Elisabeth Elliot